Why the “Soft Life” Gets Judged So Harshly

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If you are anything like me, you are obsessed with the soft life mindset. But, you probably already know the soft life judgment that comes along with it.

In our productivity culture, softness is often equated with laziness. We often feel guilty if our lives aren’t over-optimized or if we aren’t using every second of our day to the fullest.

That is the best part about the soft life. You don’t need to feel like you need to justify slowing down.

Women, especially, are seen as lazy or even boring because we don’t have the same outward urge to be productive all the time.

Here’s what I mean by that. Women enhance every part of our lives. We take every experience, and we make it the best that we can. We transform spaces so that they are comfortable and warm. We take care of those around us. Do men do this as well? Of course. But that is something that is seen as uniquely feminine.

Even caring for other people is seen as feminine because it doesn’t make you money or involve hustling. Our hustle culture has made us seem even more lazy because we don’t buy into every aspect of it.

I love a hustle as much as the next person. I tutor to make extra money, put products on Teacher Pay Teacher, write on this blog, and deliver for DoorDash. But I also set aside time to move slowly. I intentionally wake up early so I can take my time.

On top of all of this, women are especially pressured to be both productive and pleasant. If you have a bad day at work, don’t get too worked up, or else you’ll be seen as whiny or sensitive. Instead, smile and keep hunkering down. But don’t forget to also check in on others around you and overextend yourself so that you can be seen as useful.

If you feel like this, it is for a reason. It is not any person’s fault. It is the way our culture has worked for forever. Even Jesus defended women in times when they were being treated unfairly. That is one reason why the gospel was so radical.

This blog post is all about why the soft life is judged so harshly. 

Productivity Has Been Defined Too Narrowly

In the age of the internet and constant monitoring, productivity is defined by constant output. This is perfectly captured by looking at remote work. Some companies refuse to allow remote work because they want to make sure they can get as much out of you as possible. They want to be able to watch and monitor you to see if they can get more money from your time.

Companies likely spend more money monitoring your workload than if they let you work at your own pace and do great work.

But this constant output comes at a cost. Sustainability.

Your effort must be sustainable for you to be able to keep up with your output levels.

Productivity isn’t even about output!

Lots of work takes thinking time. Great works of art or literature and movies are made in the mind of the creator. If you don’t have time to love your work or be able to contemplate it, you won’t make good work, and you won’t be fulfilled.

Productivity used to mean survival, not well-being. We used ot have to be productive with our hands and physical effort. Now, more of the productivity comes from our minds. We have the essentials, but we are striving for comfort and an easier future.

Once you have enough to survive, you have the essentials, and you should be able to be slow. This is where the slow living mindset comes from.

A Soft Life Still Requires Intention (and Discipline)

Choosing Rest Before Burnout

When you use rest as a reward, you have completely missed the point.

Rest is meant to rejuvenate and refill your reserves. All of the work you do in a day requires a mental and physical reset.

If you don’t reset after a day of production, your work will not be as good. It can’t be. You will be more miserable, and your work will suck. You won’t be as productive.

Planning for Ease Instead of Chaos

Planning just to plan can lead to stress. I am a huge planner. I love to plan out every minute of my day. But I’ve noticed that just setting intentions and a to-do list for a day and times to work on the list in general is the sweet spot for me.

Knowing what you’re going to do during the day and having a few time-structured activities throughout the day is fine.

Give yourself a soft structure for your day. Plan. Set aside times to move slowly. Build in time to take a phone call or text a friend. Don’t have such a rigid structure that you can’t enjoy the spark of life.

Protecting Your Energy on Purpose

Show yourself some self-respect by setting boundaries. Don’t let people talk down to you. Don’t overschedule yourself. Don’t feel guilty for needing space or time.

Be intentional because this can get out of hand, and you’ll be left with no one. If you live a soft life, you have time for others, so use it.

Doing Less, But Doing It Better

Your energy, time, and mental capacity are limited resources. You cannot control that. You can’t work so hard that you get any more of them.

What you can control is how you use your resources. Being intentional with your resources is one way you can live a softer life. 

Fewer commitments, more presence. 

Saying No Without Explaining Yourself

Sometimes you just have to say, “I’m sorry, I am not available that day!” and move on. 

If you feel especially bad, you can offer another way to help or ask if you can reach out to someone else. Give other solutions. Softness doesn’t mean open availability for everyone but yourself. 

Softness is also being soft with yourself. Don’t feel like you have to overextend yourself to others when you need to take care of yourself, too. 

Why Rest, Beauty, and Whimsy Actually Matter

Romanticizing ordinary moments without pressure brings beauty into everyday life. You can have a monotonous life where you are satisfied with everything around you as it comes. Or you can take what you have and make it beautiful.

While you’re doing the dishes, you can complain that your husband doesn’t do them when he sees them, and believe me, I agree. But you can also take moments like this and imagine yourself as a stereotypical housewife, wear a cute outfit, and listen to classical music. 

Take the moments that feel mundane and even irritating and make them beautiful. 

Add googly eyes to your clocks, add weird decor that you love, and paint portraits to hang on the wall. Everything that adds personality also brings whimsy into your life. 

Whismy can be used to ground you and remind you of all the small things you have. You’re not being indulgent by enjoying the small parts of life that hardly anyone sees. 

Small sensory comforts make life feel safer. Having a warm home with food in the cupboard and clean surfaces aren’t just for practicality. They also give you peace of mind. Knowing that you can go home and have a bed to sleep on is one less thing you have to worry about. 

Knowing you have fun decor that starts conversations adds more play and laughter to your life. 

Whimsy is not indulgent; it simply enhances your life. 

Whimsy as Self-Respect (Not Escapism)

Treat yourself like you are someone worth caring for. I know, that’s a lot to take in. 

Think about your everyday life. The days with the most fun and play are the days you feel seen and joyful. That is the foundation of self-care. 

Take time to pick up the penny on the sidewalk, put flowers in your bedroom, and use the fancy face mask you’ve been saving for a special occasion. Don’t let life pass you by because you feel you need to be responsible. 

Whimsy and responsibility are not independent of each other. It takes some balancing, but they coexist nicely with each other. This is the gentle life philosophy. Being responsible with your time includes time to let life feel gentle and whimsical. 

What a Soft Life Really Is  (And What It Really Isn’t)

There are a lot of misconceptions around a soft life. Softness is not about being lazy or having no ambition. 

Instead, softness is about intentional pacing and choosing sustainability over burnout. 

Giving yourself extra time on tasks so you have time to let your mind wander and move slowly, and letting yourself have downtime. All of these little habits will allow you to show up even better to the things you do want to do and things that will enhance your life and the lives around you. 

Be intentional. Be soft with yourself. Forgive yourself for messing up. Let yourself be a minute later to lunch so you can talk to someone you saw. Take time and space to live life the way you want to. That’s all the soft life is. 

Final Thoughts

Be gentle with yourself without guilt. You don’t need to feel everyone’s feelings for them. That doesn’t help you or them, and it doesn’t allow them to feel what they need to feel. 

Choose softness on purpose. If you say you are living a soft life by not cleaning your home or sleeping until 2 PM every day is not the right interpretation of softness. 

Be consistent, don’t be intense. This will eb and flow like every other part of life. In some seasons, you will be more involved with others, and in other seasons, you will need to take care of yourself. Just be consistent in your intentionality. Know your goals and always reflect on how your actions are going towards them.

Let me know your thoughts on a soft life, I’d love to hear them! Do you guys agree with my assessment of a soft life? Do you think I’m just an idiot typing away about nothing? Be honest! 🙂

Tell me everything in the comments!